Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I have much to be thankful for, including a loving and supportive family, but I must say, I am thoroughly exhausted at this point, after a mere 8 hours or so in a small-ish house full of relatives. It did start out quite enjoyable, but by the end of the evening it was all I could do to keep from yelling "I don't care!" to anyone trying to show me the latest vacation book.
It actually wasn't too difficult to find my non-peopled space at family gatherings - my sister and I were both known bookworms, so curling up with a book in a corner of the living room was far from strange. Nowadays, as an adult, I think it would be a bit stranger to isolate from the group with an actual group. It does seem ok to occasionally pull out my phone, but there just wasn't much space to actually get away from the ongoing conversations even while doing so.
Fellow grown--up introverts: how do you make sure you have enough space at family events without insulting anyone?
Showing posts with label introvert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introvert. Show all posts
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Three Things Thursday: New Experiences
I'm a person who thrives on routine. I love the familiar. I can eat one dish for dinner 70% of the time for months on end. I can listen to one song on repeat for hours, for weeks at a time (I assure you that my college roommates loved me for that).
I like to call this trait "loyalty". And while it does have some positives, it also has the downfall of keeping me from trying out new opportunities. There are times when, for the sake of my mental health, I feel I have to keep myself fenced in like that.
But this year, I'm in a pretty good place, and I'm trying very hard to push myself to experience new things. That's why my goals for the year include trying new restaurants and new recipes. And just in the last month, I've stretched myself quite a bit:
1. Re-learning how to swim and bike, and joining a triathlon team. Swimming has been fun; biking is a bit terrifying. I can feel new muscles in my body being worked for the first time, and I think I'm finally losing some weight without much deliberate effort. Interacting with team members and doing group workouts is something that doesn't come easily to me, but I know will be helpful both in terms of the sports and otherwise.
2. Joining Toastmasters. I've brought up the intent to join in my annual eval at work pretty much every year, but hadn't yet committed to it. I'd been to a couple meetings at different clubs - one was in the evenings, and out of the way once I moved a few years ago. Another was in a building that required going up to the host company's office, than being accompanied to the secured area where the conference room was - just a bit of pain.
Finally, after mentioning it yet again in this year's evaluation, I checked the available meetings again, and found a lunchtime one near by. It seems like a really great group of people, with a wide variety of ages. I'm actually looking forward to scheduling my first speech!
3. Learning to use TriMet public transit. Ok, this one might not seem like a big deal, but it's a new thing to me! I grew up in a little town with no public transport (nor any real need of it); and since then have lived in various suburbs of Portland. Technically TriMet reaches out to the suburbs, but in limited ways - for example, the area I work in only has buses, no lightrail, and only during a couple hours in the morning and evening for rush hour on weekdays.
I finally live in an area a bit closer into downtown that's on the MAX (lightrail) line, though, and it's quite convenient to take into downtown Portland for evening or weekend activities. I'm still a bit nervous that I'll miss my stop or end up walking 5 miles around downtown trying to find where I'm going, but even after just a few trips I feel way more comfortable. And thank goodness I live in the era of smartphones for instant access to google maps!
I like to call this trait "loyalty". And while it does have some positives, it also has the downfall of keeping me from trying out new opportunities. There are times when, for the sake of my mental health, I feel I have to keep myself fenced in like that.
But this year, I'm in a pretty good place, and I'm trying very hard to push myself to experience new things. That's why my goals for the year include trying new restaurants and new recipes. And just in the last month, I've stretched myself quite a bit:
1. Re-learning how to swim and bike, and joining a triathlon team. Swimming has been fun; biking is a bit terrifying. I can feel new muscles in my body being worked for the first time, and I think I'm finally losing some weight without much deliberate effort. Interacting with team members and doing group workouts is something that doesn't come easily to me, but I know will be helpful both in terms of the sports and otherwise.
2. Joining Toastmasters. I've brought up the intent to join in my annual eval at work pretty much every year, but hadn't yet committed to it. I'd been to a couple meetings at different clubs - one was in the evenings, and out of the way once I moved a few years ago. Another was in a building that required going up to the host company's office, than being accompanied to the secured area where the conference room was - just a bit of pain.
Finally, after mentioning it yet again in this year's evaluation, I checked the available meetings again, and found a lunchtime one near by. It seems like a really great group of people, with a wide variety of ages. I'm actually looking forward to scheduling my first speech!
3. Learning to use TriMet public transit. Ok, this one might not seem like a big deal, but it's a new thing to me! I grew up in a little town with no public transport (nor any real need of it); and since then have lived in various suburbs of Portland. Technically TriMet reaches out to the suburbs, but in limited ways - for example, the area I work in only has buses, no lightrail, and only during a couple hours in the morning and evening for rush hour on weekdays.
I finally live in an area a bit closer into downtown that's on the MAX (lightrail) line, though, and it's quite convenient to take into downtown Portland for evening or weekend activities. I'm still a bit nervous that I'll miss my stop or end up walking 5 miles around downtown trying to find where I'm going, but even after just a few trips I feel way more comfortable. And thank goodness I live in the era of smartphones for instant access to google maps!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friendship Relativism
NaBloPoMo prompt: You're almost there! Tell us how you feel about endings.
I don't like them. I generally just don't deal with them. I don't really tell people goodbye. Whether just leaving relatives at the end of a visit, or coworkers leaving the firm, I'd rather just sneak out without explicitly acknowledging it.
It's not even so much the "good bye" or ending aspect of it, though, that makes me so uncomfortable. It has more to do with how your greet and say good bye being, in my opinion, an indicator of your relationship with that person. Especially when it's a semi-permanent good bye (like someone leaving their job), I feel like the good bye is an explicit symbol of how close you are to that person.
I'd rather not make that so explicit, to me, the other person, or any bystanders. Being an introvert, I seem to be overly familiar with being closer to people than they are close to me. If that last sentence makes any sense! Basically, if you were to rate how close you are to people, and you and I are a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. For me, that means you're a very close friend, because basically only my mom and boyfriend are above a 6. But for many extroverts, their dozen closest friends are a 9, so to be a 5 with me makes us mere acquaintances to you.
It's not a problem, generally, though. It just means they're a larger percentage of my socializing than I am of theirs. But I don't want to socialize as much as they do, so it all works out. But when it comes to really expressing what someone means to you while saying good bye, then the comparison with others becomes that much more apparent, and can be a bit of a disappointment.
I don't like them. I generally just don't deal with them. I don't really tell people goodbye. Whether just leaving relatives at the end of a visit, or coworkers leaving the firm, I'd rather just sneak out without explicitly acknowledging it.
It's not even so much the "good bye" or ending aspect of it, though, that makes me so uncomfortable. It has more to do with how your greet and say good bye being, in my opinion, an indicator of your relationship with that person. Especially when it's a semi-permanent good bye (like someone leaving their job), I feel like the good bye is an explicit symbol of how close you are to that person.
I'd rather not make that so explicit, to me, the other person, or any bystanders. Being an introvert, I seem to be overly familiar with being closer to people than they are close to me. If that last sentence makes any sense! Basically, if you were to rate how close you are to people, and you and I are a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. For me, that means you're a very close friend, because basically only my mom and boyfriend are above a 6. But for many extroverts, their dozen closest friends are a 9, so to be a 5 with me makes us mere acquaintances to you.
It's not a problem, generally, though. It just means they're a larger percentage of my socializing than I am of theirs. But I don't want to socialize as much as they do, so it all works out. But when it comes to really expressing what someone means to you while saying good bye, then the comparison with others becomes that much more apparent, and can be a bit of a disappointment.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Alone
I wrote the following in February of my senior year of college, but thought I'd share it in light of my MBTI post the other day. It's still a cycle I get stuck in occasionally - how to be content while worrying that I'm missing out on something, or alternatively that I'm wasting time on something I'll ultimately deem unimportant. Each year I suppose I end up a bit more comfortable in my own personality.
loner
loner
1. A person who is or prefers to be alone, especially one who avoids the company of others.
2. Someone that likes being alone, and is happy with what they are.
3. Someone who doesn’t need other people around them to validate their own existence.
One of the most important things I have learned about myself in college is that I am inherently a loner. And I think one of the most common misconceptions about loners is that they are inherently lonely. Essentially all social beings believe this. Even a lot of loners believe this. But it’s not true.
lonely
1. Lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
2. Affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
3. A powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation; feeling disconnected and alienated from other people.
I have spent my fair share of time being lonely. But it has nothing to do with spending time by myself. On the contrary, the worst feeling of loneliness, at least for a loner, is when you make the effort to join a social situation, to belong to a group of people, and you fail. Because 99% of the time, you do fail. You can’t help it. You can’t succeed at something that is completely against your very nature.
The happiest time of my life was when I spent every Saturday night at home reading a novel, had never attended a school dance, and was completely oblivious to the fact that this made me abnormal. It was around eighth grade that I had the revelation that my peers were leading a very different life than I was. They hung out the mall after school and attended parties on the weekend. They didn’t define their “friends” as just the group of classmates with whom they ate lunch – they actually did things with their friends outside of school.
So I entered high school with the commendable goal of becoming cool, or at the very least sociable. For a time it worked. I talked, I flirted. But as graduation neared, I knew that nothing had really changed. The group of people I ate lunch with still had parties to which I was never invited. Sure, I had one or two close friends that I would sometimes hang out with on the weekends. I was occasionally thought of to make plans with for dinner before the homecoming dance. But I was still unhappy; I still hadn’t achieved the goal that I knew would bring me happiness.
So I entered college with the laudable goal of becoming popular, or at the very least a social butterfly. I made a conscious effort to put myself out of my comfort zone and into large groups of people. I attached myself to the cliques that hung out in the dorm lobby until 2 am and made frequent trips to Wendy’s.
But eventually, I spent less time in the lobby and more time in my room, reading science fiction novels, discussing my roommate’s latest fan fic, or studying ancient Greek. And it was in these activities that I stopped thinking about what I was missing out on by not being invited on the latest beach trip.
As the last four years have passed, I have continued to struggle to be content with my status as a loner. When I just let myself be, I am happy, or at the very least, satisfied. But there never ceases to be phases where I start focusing on what mainstream culture tries to dictates, which is that I couldn’t possibly be happy if I don’t have a date on Saturday, whether it be with a fabulous guy or at least my roommates. I’m hoping that the change in scenery as I leave college will provide me with the push to settle into myself, to be content with my real personality, and to finally spend a dozen Saturday nights in a row reading the books that have been collecting dust on my bookshelves.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
I Like to Jump on Bandwagons
I saw a few bloggers post Myers-Briggs personality test results yesterday and today because of the Blogtember challenge. Seeing those reminded me that I had done a lot of those types of personality quizzes in college (was that a thing that everyone did in the myspace era, or were my roommates and I just exceptionally boring college students?). In fact, I had a badge-thingy with the results of one such test saved in a note on facebook, and I thought it'd be interesting to confirm that my results were the same (especially the percentages that this particular version shows).
There are tons of websites available for taking the Myers-Briggs (and plenty of other) personality tests, including here and here, but I took it here so as to get the results in the same format as in 2007.
2007 - ISTJ
From TypeLogic: They have a keen sense of right and wrong. Punctuality is a watchword. Often give the initial impression of being aloof. They seem to perform at highest efficiency when employing a step-by-step approach. Easily frustrated by the inconsistencies of others... but they usually keep their feelings to themselves unless they are asked.
2013 - INTJ
From TypeLogic: May appear to project an aura of "definiteness" or self-confidence. They know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know. They apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "does it work?". They possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system they happen to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause. They are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few).
Below discussion of type indicators largely based on information from the MBTI wikipedia article and the Meyers & Briggs Foundation, as well as cumulative knowledge from sporadic reading of this topic over the past several years.
Introvert/Extrovert: How energy is drained and recharged, and where attention is placed. Introverts gain energy from reflection and alone time, focusing on one's inner world. Extroverts gain energy from activity and interaction, focusing on the outer world.
No surprise here! Although for me this is also combined with shyness and social anxiety, I'll take this opportunity to get on my soapbox and remind any extroverts reading that introversion is not the same thing as shyness! When my anxiety is properly managed, I'm perfectly capable of carrying on a conversion, it's just very draining to talk a lot with a lot of people, and I prefer to spend my relaxation time by myself.
Sensing/Intuitive: How information is acquired. Sensers want concrete and tangible information from the five senses. Intuiters want more abstract and theoretical information, looking for patterns and possibilities.
I'm surprised that this is now showing intuitive. I think in most ways I'm much more sensing. If I'm trying to solve a problem, I start by breaking it down into factual pieces. I definitely think that I view things in a pragmatic way. However, I've also noticed over the years that I tend to make big decisions - job, living arrangements, relationships - based on gut instinct, instead of trying to break down the pros and cons. Maybe I'm more sensing for small things and intuitive for big things?
Thinking/Feeling: How decisions are made. Thinkers use logic and rules to make a rational decision. Feelers use empathy and consensus to come to a balanced decision.
I'm really fun to have an argument with because of this. :) You tell me how you're feeling about a situation, and I'll explain why it's not rational to follow through on that feeling. I think I've gotten better at acknowledging the need for empathy in resolving conflict overs the years (or maybe just realizing that it's rational to express empathy), but I remember some frustrated roommate discussions in college that could be attributed to this trait.
Judging/Perceiving: How one relates to the outside world. Judgers like to have things settled. Perceivers like to keep options open.
This why I've so rarely dated, and when I do it's a pretty serious, long-term thing. I'm sure some people enjoy the stage of dating where you're not sure where it's going and just have so many possibilities open to you - I hate that! I don't want possibilities, I want to have a decision, I want to know what to expect. I wouldn't even go on a date until I have a very high confidence that it can go somewhere.
Introvert/Extrovert: How energy is drained and recharged, and where attention is placed. Introverts gain energy from reflection and alone time, focusing on one's inner world. Extroverts gain energy from activity and interaction, focusing on the outer world.
No surprise here! Although for me this is also combined with shyness and social anxiety, I'll take this opportunity to get on my soapbox and remind any extroverts reading that introversion is not the same thing as shyness! When my anxiety is properly managed, I'm perfectly capable of carrying on a conversion, it's just very draining to talk a lot with a lot of people, and I prefer to spend my relaxation time by myself.
Sensing/Intuitive: How information is acquired. Sensers want concrete and tangible information from the five senses. Intuiters want more abstract and theoretical information, looking for patterns and possibilities.
I'm surprised that this is now showing intuitive. I think in most ways I'm much more sensing. If I'm trying to solve a problem, I start by breaking it down into factual pieces. I definitely think that I view things in a pragmatic way. However, I've also noticed over the years that I tend to make big decisions - job, living arrangements, relationships - based on gut instinct, instead of trying to break down the pros and cons. Maybe I'm more sensing for small things and intuitive for big things?
Thinking/Feeling: How decisions are made. Thinkers use logic and rules to make a rational decision. Feelers use empathy and consensus to come to a balanced decision.
I'm really fun to have an argument with because of this. :) You tell me how you're feeling about a situation, and I'll explain why it's not rational to follow through on that feeling. I think I've gotten better at acknowledging the need for empathy in resolving conflict overs the years (or maybe just realizing that it's rational to express empathy), but I remember some frustrated roommate discussions in college that could be attributed to this trait.
Judging/Perceiving: How one relates to the outside world. Judgers like to have things settled. Perceivers like to keep options open.
This why I've so rarely dated, and when I do it's a pretty serious, long-term thing. I'm sure some people enjoy the stage of dating where you're not sure where it's going and just have so many possibilities open to you - I hate that! I don't want possibilities, I want to have a decision, I want to know what to expect. I wouldn't even go on a date until I have a very high confidence that it can go somewhere.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Party Animal
Came across this drawing by Gemma Correll on facebook - this is absolutely me!
In semi-related news (i.e., related to the fact that I'm an anti-social cat lady), today is the fourth anniversary of adopting Imogene!
In semi-related news (i.e., related to the fact that I'm an anti-social cat lady), today is the fourth anniversary of adopting Imogene!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
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