(See introduction and disclaimer to this series here, and other posts in the series here.)
What is the tradition?
Prior to the wedding, parties are held for the bride (or occasionally, the couple), for the purpose of "showering" the bride/couple with gifts. Games are played and treats are served, but the primary expectation is that guests will bring presents (from the couple's registry), which are opened during the event.
What is the origin of the tradition?
It's likely ultimately derived from the concept of dowry; if a girl didn't have a dowry (perhaps her parents were too poor to provide it), friends instead gathered to provide items for a dowry instead.
In a more modern sense, though, it's about the village coming together to provide the household goods that a young couple needed to set up a life for themselves. Historically, of course, most couples getting married were, indeed, young, moving from their parents' home to the marriage home.
The name itself of a wedding or bridal "shower" is from a Victorian tradition of putting small gifts in a parasol, and then opening it over the bride and "showering" her with the gifts.
Why do people still follow it?
Well, free stuff.
There's also a sense of being owed gifts in exchange for when you've participated in the tradition and bought gifts for other people.
Why is that crap?
The average age of getting married is 27 (women) and 29 (men) (source). In other words, about 10 years after graduating high school and most likely moving out of their parents' house. Even if you don't count college as truly living on one's own, that's still a great deal of time (5 to 7 years) of living on one's own, building up a household. The likelihood that a newly married couple is actually lacking in sufficient sheets and dishes is quite low.
But - it's a worthy upgrade! you say. If you want to upgrade your own belongings because you're now several years into a decent-paying career, go for it! But why is it your figurative village's responsibility to upgrade your things for you? It's not about just getting by, but they must outfit you in luxury?
A "deserving" upgrade at the time of the wedding also implies that you deserve it when getting married, because you're somehow more of an adult, and as an adult should have higher quality things. Why did you need to get married to act like an adult (if you view part of that as having matching dishes or whatnot)? I do understand the impact the economy has had on much of my generation, but that aside - why were you waiting for a marriage to build your own household? Why would you not be deserving (assuming you can afford it) of having a "real" household while single?
What am I doing with this tradition?
As I lived on my own, I bought the items I wanted and that met the aesthetic I wanted in my home, so that, while there may have been occasional pieces that could stand for an upgrade, there was definitely no sense of desiring to replace a bunch of college-level crap. (Abe didn't so much, but beyond that being partially due to his pay/career, he simply doesn't have that much of an aesthetic preference to want matching stuff.)
We got rid of a ridiculous amount of stuff due to combining two households, each having lived on our own for several years. We were in no way building a household from scratch, therefore no need to be outfitted with household supplies. We passed on any offers of showers. (I did feel slightly bad for my mom, who's hosted many showers for her friends' kids, and certainly, in a sense, deserved to be paid back with her friends attending a shower for me, but I really didn't want the stuff!)
How did/will you handle this tradition?
I would love to have a lively debate and conversation in the comments! Please join in!
Dissenting opinions (from the post itself or other commenters) are welcome, but I reserve the right to delete any comments that personally attack me or any other commenter.
Yes, this is technically a "fashion" post on this blog. Don't worry, I'll wait for you to stop laughing. I have no delusions that I'm fashionable or breaking barriers here. I have, lately, been trying to make my work outfits both more fashionable (in a classic sense, not in a trendy way) and more professional (the "dress for the job you want" concept), although left to my own devices under stress, I revert to a more minimalist, "uniform" style of dress. This post may seem contradictory, and that's because it is; my goals for this area of life (trivial though it may be - though maybe not entirely) are contradictory at the moment.
On the one hand, I really like the idea - in theory, at least - of a uniform. Even in business, it is possible to garner respect in such a simplistic wardrobe. For most of the past few years I've tended, semi-intentionally, towards a uniform of sorts: black slacks, black heels or flats, v-neck sweater, silver necklace. That can also get a bit boring, and though I don't think it will hurt my chances of continuing to move up the ladder at work, I would imagine that dressing in a manner that appears more intentional and thoughtful might be helpful.
I've been putting more creativity in my clothes for the last month or so, but it will be harder to devote energy and thought into that as stress and anxiety from busy season builds up. Enter: the Putting Me Together style challenge. I'm by no means planning to overhaul or expand my wardrobe* to participate in this; I just want to find more creative ways to mix my clothes, and also feel more comfortable wearing outfits that feel a bit "out there" to me.
*My wardrobe is currently probably closer to a minimalist or capsule wardrobe than the average person. I might not be quite down to 33 items (for work; I keep work and casual wardrobes separate for the most part), but I would be shocked if it's more than 50, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's closer to 40. Basically I own:
- 2 pairs of slacks
- 2 skirts
- 2 - 3 dresses (depending on how I style it, one is iffy on work-appropriateness)
- 2 blazers
- 3 - 4 cardigans
- 3 - 4 v-neck sweaters
- 2 - 3 blouses
- 6 - 8 tops/tanks that are worn under other things
- 5 silver necklaces
- 1 pair of flats (I buy cheap flats that wear out quickly, during the summer I own more)
- 1 pair of heels
- 3 pairs of boots
I'm not 100% positive on the tops count, but I guess that is pretty close to 33. Honestly, that is plenty of mix and match and come up with different variations. I used to have about this number of items, but almost entirely sweaters for the tops, which I got tired of. I'm not necessarily trying to change the basic formula, but have more variety within the formula.
Background on my work environment: Officially the dress code is "business attire" (except for Fridays, which is business casual and allows jeans); though suits are often expected when meeting with clients, most people don't wear suits on a regular basis. Men are usually in slacks, button-ups, plus likely either a tie, jacket, and/or sweater. Women's attire is more varied; generally slacks, skirts, button-ups, sweaters, blouses, etc. Some seem to cross the line, in my opinion, with leggings and other more trendy items, which I think need to be included very carefully to be appropriate!
This week's challenge is to wear a dress. The idea being that many women wear dresses during the summer and put them away in the winter; actually I've never been big on dresses, especially for work. I think dresses are easier to make professional in the winter - though bare legs and short sleeves aren't entirely inappropriate in my office, they're definitely borderline, depending on the weather and the rest of the outfit.
I've only this year started coming around to the idea of tights or leggings with dresses (I used to think tights were ridiculously uncomfortable, but I'm now realizing that probably had to do with not sizing up appropriately while at a higher weight). But have gradually been coming around the idea, and wearing dresses occasionally lately. This is an outfit I've worn a few times to work now, and feel pretty comfortable in it (although the whole "belt over sweater" thing was also something I felt self-conscious about at first).
All but the boots and necklace are from Target. The boots are from Payless and the necklace is from H&M.
I almost always wear a simple-yet-interesting sillver necklace, but have a hard time picking on to wear with this, as the pattern is already so busy. The necklace I'm wearing is a newer one, and has a shorter hook option than most of my others, so I can keep it above the neckline, rather than competing with the pattern by overlaying on the dress itself.
Where you do lean on the uniform to trendy spectrum? Is it possible to have a minimalist wardrobe without being boring?
