(See introduction and disclaimer to this series here, and other posts in the series here.)
What is the tradition?
As the wedding ceremony begins, after the other wedding party members are at the front of the venue (the groom generally entering first, quietly without any pomp; the bridesmaids and groomsmen coming down the aisle before the bride), the bride enters the venue and walks down the aisle accompanied by her father. When they reach the front, the officiant asks some variation of "who gives this woman to be married?" (not uncommonly now altered to "who gives their blessing for this wedding" - at least there's some acknowledgement of the ultimate meaning of the original wording).
If the bride's father is deceased or doesn't have the relationship to play this role, it is occasionally fulfilled by the bride's mother, or more often by the next closest male relative, such as a grandfather or son.
What is the origin of the tradition?
This is a direct descendant of the bride's father literally giving her away. Because the bride, as a woman, was property, being transferred from her father to her husband. The handoff at the front of the aisle actually was the handoff of an object of property being bought and sold.
Why do people still follow it?
Because it's tradition. Many, even if icked out by the origin of the tradition, don't want to offend their dad. If you have a good relationship with your father, it's generally considered an insult to not want him to walk you down the aisle.
Others consider it a useful tool to the bride, to have their father supporting them (emotionally and literally) as they walk down the aisle to a lovely but emotional and stressful moment for the wedding ceremony. It's also often thought of as a lovely gesture that simply represents the bride leaving her parent's family and joining her husband to start a new family.
Why is that crap?
You know what's actually disrespectful? Treating a woman as her father's property. Even if it's adapted to include being walked down (or given away/blessed) by the bride's mother as well as her father, and/or being viewed as simply the transition from one's birth family to one's chosen family - why only the bride?
Very rarely have I heard of the groom's parents accompanying him to the ceremony to represent him leaving their household, or providing their blessing on the marriage. In essence, the bride is treated as a child until the wedding is done, still under the protection of her parents, while the groom is already considered an adult.
Even as it's become more common to acknowledge that, while sure it does have a less-than-pleasant, it's still a lovely way to involve the bride's father (or parents) in the ceremony, to represent the idea that your child is growing up and forming their partnership, etc. - why is the alternative, when needed, to being accompanying by your father still to consider the next-nearest male relative?
If it were only about the person who raised you willingly giving up you being a de facto member of their household, why it is even debated whether you should ask your single mother to walk you instead? Why would you defer to a grandfather, brother, or even uncle, if you have a single female parent who raised you? Because we're still stuck in the concept of men being the head of the household. Asking a male relative to fulfill this role over a nearer female relative inherently reinforces the sexist power structure that still exists in society.
There is absolutely no reason, beyond the patriarchal origin, to (1) treat the bride differently than the groom or (2) to defer to male relatives rather than the parental figure closest to the bride.
What am I doing with this tradition?
We eliminated the aisle altogether. When we were ready to begin the ceremony, we played a topical song to cue the mood (The Muppet's "Somebody's Getting Married") and both meandering through the room to the stage at the front to take our places.
We're both adults, who have each been living on our own and supporting ourselves for years. Though of course we still love our parents and family, neither of us considered ourselves still part of their "household" or under our parents "protection". It would not have felt authentic to represent either set of parents walking us towards our new life together.
Fortunately, my relationship with my parents, and my dad, is close enough that we've had many talks over the years about how I feel regarding these traditions, and my dad wasn't offended by my not wanting him involved in this tradition. He knew it wasn't an insult or statement about my relationship with him, but about the origin of the tradition itself, which has no place in our lives or how he (and my mom!) raised their strong-willed, independent daughters.
How did/will you handle this tradition?
I would love to have a lively debate and conversation in the comments! Please join in!
Dissenting opinions (from the post itself or other commenters) are welcome, but I reserve the right to delete any comments that personally attack me or any other commenter.
Today's NaBloPoMo prompt from Miss Zoot:
If you could spend ONE WEEK anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If you could spend ONE MONTH anywhere in the world, where would you go?
If you could spend ONE YEAR anywhere in the world, where would you go?
(Assume you have unlimited funds to make this year/month/week EXACTLY how you'd want it to be. And when you come back - your job is waiting for you.)
One week: My dad's family's lakehouse. It's out in the middle of nowhere north of Spokane; there's a convenience store down the road for the necessities, but nothing else to distract you from just relaxing and enjoying nature. No internet service, virtually no cell service. Nothing to get done or feel like you have to fit in so you don't miss out.
One month: Australia. Long enough trip to make the long flight worth it; short enough to not be worth learning another language so I'll stick with the English-speaking country that's on the top of my list.
One year: I think an around-the-world trip, to see as much as possible. Or at least Europe, if not the entire world. Not likely to ever have the time or resources to see each country in depth during my lifetime, so I'd like to at least hit the highlights of each place.
Thanks to everyone who entered, and congratulations to Lauren, winner of the Doctor Who giveaway!
At the beginning of the summer I wrote about re-learning to swim and bike on my own (after a 15-year-ish break from them). After that, I continued to learn how to swim and bike - with a group! I joined TRI Team PDX (the name stands for Train Race Inspire); specifically, the Portland Triathlon training group) (before knowing that the group was targeting a specific race, I was already planning on doing Aluminum Man; but it was only two weeks before the Portland Tri, so at one point I figured I'd do both).
The cost was $299 for 14 weeks of training. This was all inclusive - access to weekly workouts (swim, track, run, bike) that would otherwise have drop-in fees, with weekly workout plans designed for the group (including the group workouts and additional workouts to do on your own during the week), and coaches at the workouts to guide you.
Swimming
The weekly swim group workout was held at the PSU athletic center. I'd guesstimate there were usually around 30 people. The pool has, if I'm remembering right, 6 lanes. People were assigned to lanes based on abilities and speed; we in the beginners group were in lanes 1 and 2, with detailed instructions on how to do the drills, especially in the first few weeks. People in higher lanes had more advanced drills and longer distances to cover in the same time.
We learned a variety of drills throughout the season, designed to improve swimming form in different ways. Things like fingertip drag, pull, catch-up, front scull, to name a few. Nearer the end of the season, we focused more on improving endurance for longer distances and intervals of harder effort. In addition to the group workout, we were supposed to do an additional swim on our own, including some of the drills and also working on endurance on continuous distance.
After developing some basic swimming skills, the group also helped us with open water swimming. I unfortunately had to miss some of those session, so I didn't feel nearly as prepared for open water as I would have liked, but really any chance to get in open water is helpful! The coaches were super helpful about making sure you were comfortable, giving tips, and staying nearby those with extra nerves. They also encouraged team members to attend free weekly open water swims sponsored by Athlete's Lounge during the summer for additional experience.
Current ability level:
Can easily do 1,000 yards (total, not continuous) in a workout even when I haven't been consistently swimming, including up to 400 - 600 continuous without too much trouble. When I was in the habit of going to the pool a few times a week, 1,200 yards or more wasn't an unreasonable total for a workout.
When I first got a watch with swim functions, I was around 2:30 per 100 yards; that's now closer to 2:20 - still pretty ridiculously slow, but nonetheless a consistent improvement.
Open water swimming is something that I still need to work on a lot before doing another triathlon. I ended up just doing it once without a wetsuit, and once with a wetsuit. Better than nothing, for sure, but not nearly enough to not have a near panic attack at the start of the race. Regardless of whether I train with TRI PDX again, going to the Athlete's Lounge open water swims in the river as often as possible will be a very crucial component.
Biking
There was an assigned weekly bike workout to do on our own, focusing on intervals with high effort or RPMs. I rarely ended up doing those workouts.
There was also a long group bike ride each weekend. The first week the beginners group did about 12 miles; eventually working up to about 25 miles. Depending on which coach was leading the group, there was more or less of a coming back to check on those in the back to make sure they were ok, but it does seem to be team policy for the leaders to stop at major turns on the route to wait for everyone to catch up and ensure no one's gotten lost or anything.
One note: Sauvie Island is the best place to ride a bike, especially if you're a beginner. It's a bit of a drive from most places in Portland, but totally worth it. The main loop around the island is just over 12 miles, with a little rolling hills but nothing too steep up or down. There isn't much of a shoulder, but it really is low traffic, and the cars that are out there are well aware of the bike traffic, and give you plenty of space when passing.
Current ability level:
Longest solid ride was 22 miles (I did 27 in a day, but it was broken up by too many stops to count it as actually my longest) (did distances in training assuming I would be doing the Olympic distance at the Portland Tri, which I ended up not doing). Assuming good conditions (dry roads, minimal wind, etc.) I could go out for a 10 mile ride anytime now and feel pretty comfortable with it.
My average speed on long rides by the end of the training season was around 14.5. I easily got above 25 mph on downhills - but tried very hard to slow down to not get faster than that! On flats or small inclines, not too hard to maintain 15 - 16 mph, but difficult to keep up 10 mph on steeper hills going up.
I still can't take my hands off the handlebars while moving long enough to do anything like eat or drink. I'm super nervous on wet roads or in the wind. I'm basically still terrified that I'll kill myself while riding. Still willing to put more work into it next summer, but I have my doubts that this will ever be my favorite sport.
Plan:
Workouts:
Tuesday: Run 2.0 miles (12:27 pace)
Thursday: Treadmill run 2.0 miles (11:49 pace, 0.5% incline)
Sunday: Run 2.15 miles (11:42 pace) - errr, so long as it's the longest run of the week, it totally counts as a "long run", right?
Total running: 6.15 miles
Monday was a rest day because I had a massage. After that the week was busy, plus the time change leaving no usable day light after work... blah blah blah. Saturday was spent preparing for game night and otherwise getting stuff done around the house that was desperately needed, and Sunday was devoted to doing some research and preparation for an upcoming presentation at work.
Super difficult to have the motivation and the time (or the motivation to make the time) this week to do anything training-wise. I still have this upcoming week to peak and get another solid double-digit long run in, and then it's taper time! I was hoping for a new PR, but with only one half in the past 18 months, maybe I need to use this to simply get back in the habit of training for and racing this distance, and build from here for a spring half.
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Inspired by this post on Angela's SF Road Warrior, Abe and I decided to start an alliterative theme to our game nights (we end up hosting about 4 - 6 game nights each year, though I often intend to have them even more often, like monthly). I don't think we'll end up going through them strictly in order, but we did start at the beginning, hosting our A game night this weekend.
Games
We played Apples to Apples - one I'm sure most of you are familiar with, and is a fairly popular staple at our games nights both that we host and attend.
We also played Anomia, a game we bought recently. It has a deceptively simple concept: each card shows a noun and a symbol. As players draw cards, if the symbol matches another card, they have to shout out an example of the noun on the other player's card, before the player names an example of the noun on their card. "Anomia" means the inability to name objects - it's amazing how hard it can be as you're quickly trying to see the matching cards, process what it says, etc. It ends up being a highly energetic and entertaining game.
Food
The above photo shows the remnants after - didn't have a chance to take one before, plus our wonderful guests brought some of the items!
Angel hair pasta with 'Auliflower Alfredo sauce (recipe)
Arugula and Acorn squash salad (recipe)
Anakin's Asparagus (from Vegan Fusion)
Apples and Almond butter
Artichoke dip and Almond crackers
Avocados
Agave-glazed pecans (made by Karey)
Avocados
Aged godua
Apple pie Ala mode with Almond milk-based ice cream
Almond joy bar cake (from Vegan Junk Food) (made by Karey)
Apple Ale
Apple cider - sparkling
Apple cider - hot, spiced
Aloe juice
Acai juice
It was a lot of fun to come up with ideas for the theme, and ended up having some more variation in food and games than our usual standbys!
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