Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Embrace

NaBloPoMo prompt: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Not that many years ago, I would have said my height. I'm 5 feet even. Or, at least it rounds to that. I think the last time a doctor measured it, it was 4'11 3/4". This can be annoying in many ways. For example, the top third of the shelves in my kitchen cabinets are essentially unusable. I feel like it's a hindrance in the workplace - how can my colleagues or clients take me seriously when I'm probably shorter than their pre-teen kids?

But, that's something that I've started learning how to not only accept, but embrace. For five years, I wore heels every single day to work; now I've started wearing flats most of the time - even sometimes for client meetings when I'm more dressy. Seriously, being 5'2" with heels isn't going to make me look more like an adult than 5'0"! It's still damn short! Portraying confidence at 5'0" will do more for my career than a couple extra inches from my shoes.

The thing I would change, if I could, is my anxiety and depression. It's one of those things that has made me who I am today - but if I could be the same person without the hard part, that would have been nice! It keeps me from taking part in things that I might enjoy, and from enjoying things when I do participate. It makes me cautious, but it makes me overly cautious. It helps me develop organized, detailed plans, but it leads to frustration when the imperfect world gets in the way of plans.

I've spent the past several years battling my mind, trying to change it, even to cure it. Is there a way to embrace it instead? 

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